I Feeel Like Commit suicide

Today is going to be my first time i rite something about my life in the blog, I try not to write about family matter actually in the blog but it seem like I am so angry and did not know what to do and no one to talk so I say if I want to know what is going on before I think again of Commit suicide.

It started like this .......

Saturday I when back home to my parent house after 2 week of did not go home , I actually stay in Kuala Lumpur due to working . So with my injuce last thurday that I fail down on the road but is getting better after see doctor but still pain and swallon, so I decide why not go back home for a day rest in family place. It happen to that I remember that my stupid mom maid is having a off day on sunday.

So I went back on Saturday afternoon (11/7/2009 ) parent home about 3pm , everything is normal nothing happen and very peace for the day. SO My Elder brother Pc have been spoil for quit sometime and he is so bz not time to send to repair and as a Younger sister I Help lah, the computer battery for the clock is spoil and i go out and buy and come back and repair the computer and reformat and install to the latest windows XP3 for him, very thing to great and perfect for the day, due to my injuce leg the room is up stair so , for me to climb up is not so bad but the comming down is the most paining couse put alot of weight and strength to the leg to come down, so everytime I come down I put alot of strength in my left leg instat of my injuce right leg.

The day of Saturday is peace day couse First Aunt come and we and second brother come and we watch Funny DVD and happy all the time till the next day.This is where the accident happen.

Sunday at around 4pm++ (12/7/2009 )

My mom maid say she want to talk to her parent and sister using yahoo video computer chat, so I help her lah , and as you know sometime the internet line is not smooth so it get cut of the video talk, before I come down i told her that if the video cut of your sister well invite your , so if you so the accepth invite please click it , and also she is stupid in Computer and she does not know anything in Computer . So it happen that I when down to take something and eat and she come down and call me say the cam is off, I was just joking with her that ( you thing i am so easy walk and down - which she know and my leg is still injuce )!!!! just becouse I say that she is so angry and talk all kind of thing lah. scoreding and things and that, so i don care lah which I did not know that she is like that one , she haas been working with my mom for 13 year so become very arrogan lah as you guy know .

So I go down again and continue and eat lah, it happen the my elder brother wife come down which she here all the conversation between me and my mom maid , so I tell me my 6 Aunt that happen to be sitting togeht with me and eat , so tell to my Aunt all the problem, it happan all touch abit on my brother isu.

You my mom maid want to talk to her parent and we do nto have a cam and my brother pretty her and ask me to go and buy , so I get a logitech cam and bring back and fix lah, so I was saying I help brother to buy becouse of my mom maid want to use, and she did not appreatice and sold me so more and small thing and I say becouse of her i spend half a day repair it .

And I say brother is so bz i do think he got time to send to repair I help him to repair so that becouse sometime my brother wife say she want to Use that she canot use, And she darn to scream at me and say that ohh I do not have time to use and I do not use one, Now I know lah , when people need you time , very good with you , when people don need you time there well say fuck you lah.

Just becouse I say brother very bz and not time to send to repair and I help him to repair and brother wife say ( OHHHH I DO NOT NEED YOUR HELP , MY TYPE OF PERSON REQUIREMENT IS VERY HIGH , I CAN FIX MYSELF, I WELL GO AND LEARN COMPUTER AND FIX IT ON MY ON ). I did not say anything about her I just say I help brother to fix . Just becouse of all this conversation that me and elder brother wife and my Aunt talk , she get so angry. ( WHICH I DID NOT KNOW WHY SHE IS SO ANGRY ). So she just walk away and go up to her room and bang the room door. I and my Aunt was SHOCK what was happening and what did I say wrong or which part I say wrong. Me and My Elder Brother wife use to me very close and we conver each another problem and talk about aach another problem together. We never get angry to each another. But time have pass and something from a good friend can become your enamy. And the worse one is your ( OWN FAMILY MEMBER).


So around 6pm I go back which I have a feeling that something is going to happen so I went back to K.Lumpur. At around ( 21.55pm -12/7/2009 ) I receive a massage that My elder brother send me at my Hp sms?

( How much do I owe u 4 the computer vidoe cam & battery & service? please give your account so that i can bank in 4 u 2 molo ).

I wah shock and I know something has happen mast be due to the afternoon conversation and she get misunderstanding what I am trying to say.............
And it really happen and call come and in at ( 22.18 12/7/2009) brother scoreding me and saying what I tell her wife that elder brother owe me alot of me and all this and that which I did not say at all and I did not know from where does this conversation come out. We talk on the phone about 10 minit wish I try to explain that nothing to do with Koko at all , what we talk this afternoon is more about my mom maid nothing talking about elder brother owe me huge mountain of money which one fucking logitech cam RM 80.00 like I canot pay ( fuck man ).

And that I sms my Aunt tell her to call me , she call and I tell her every becouse she is the one that we talk together about the story this afternoon , afternoon a long talk and crying on the phone for about 20 minit we hang off the phone and I keep ask meyself what did I say wrong and what did I do wrong . I was so angry now everyone in the house thing that I am the problem maker that create problem to the house . ( FUCK MAN I AM COMING TO 29 YEAR OLD THIS AUGUST MONTHER FUCK THINK THAT I DID NOT KNOW WHAT AM I TALKING ).
I just cry for the hold nite thing about what did I do wrong and i should have not go back to mom house nothing have happen and my FUCKING, CHIBAI, LANGCHUI MOM MAID if she have not off day today and talk to me like she is very big , nothing has happen on 12/7/2009.

Now I tell myself what is the point i stay in this world is better to kill myself die faster is the best way, Bf is not around out to Indian and work and when time I need to talk to him, he is not here beside me and i canot call him and is too expensive and he well score and say I call so expensive. Housemate is bz there have their own problem and i do not want to tell also which there will not understand becouse is not in their condotion. So before I think again off killing myself or Commit suicide , I just which the world can tell me what did I do wrong at lease when I die , I DIE BY KNOWING THE ANSWER.............

Regards
Joannelim